In touch with your feelings means you know how you’re feeling, NOT that you wallow in them. Does this mean you should lie to women? No, honest is the best policy; it just means that you shouldn’t dump on a woman before she’s even had a chance to get to discover your great qualities first. No matter how empathetic a woman may seem, she still needs time to get to know you in order to really care about what’s going on with you.

I don’t think I can be too clear about this – and the busier and more together a woman is (same goes for sexy and popular), the more time she’ll need you to hold your tongue before sharing serious P’s and Q’s. Frankly she’s just got too much to do, so if you come across as a mess from the get go she’ll quickly find a reason to be going to be on her merry way, away from you, as fast as possible.

Watch yourself just as carefully in email. Since we write email in the privacy of our home (or office) it’s often easier to confess to our deepest troubles because we don’t feel the pressure of a live person to scrutinize and reject us. Don’t be lulled. Email is just as much a one on one, face-to-face communication as a date – and you should treat it the same.


Our Problems Seem More Serious To Others

The truth is we’ve all got problems, what sets apart the winners from the losers in the dating world is how we handle and share those problems with women. If we wear them on our sleeve like a calling card we might as well be wearing female repellent. A good friend of mine once had a man tell her about being sexually molested as a child within the first half hour of the date. He then went on to tell her that he only liked to sleep with promiscuous women, as then he was sure they liked sex. Needless to say she never saw him again. In fact she made sure to pick an argument with him during the date to make sure he wouldn’t call her.

Even if you’re sure you’ve got a secure handle on the pitfalls in your life it’s better to share them – and what you think are your endearing quirks that make you a unique individual – in small spoonfuls as you get to know a woman. Recognize that you’ve had time to get use to the problems and challenges in your life, but that’s not the case with a new date. Load her down with the downers in your life and she may feel crushed under the burden of what you think of as "just another day”.


Sharing Your Feelings: Find The Right Honesty Pace

If you’re unsure of the pace at which to be totally honest with a woman about yourself match your speed with hers. As she shares information about her personal history (and the less than savory bits) you do the same. And do share – she wants you to – just don’t take over the whole evening. Women are empathetic, they want to know what makes you human, but they don’t want you to take the attention spotlight and burn it out. Men need to watch this as we have a tendency to store up our emotions and then explode them on someone who seems a safe place to share.

Men also have the tendency to be terrible listeners. Once we get a woman to ourselves on a date we like to brag to show ourselves off – thinking we’re winning brownie points – not realizing that we often boring our date to death, or pissing her off beyond reconciliation.


More Reasons Not to Share Your Feelings Right From the Start

If you insist on sharing your dirty laundry with women right from the start be forewarned that chances are a sane woman will only then allow you to be her friend (if she finds you appealing enough. Yes, it’s great to have female friends, but don’t you want to have a romance (or at least sex) as well?

The only women you’ll attract if you lead with your problem (if you attract any) will be those who want to save and fix you. Sure, their undivided attention may seem wonderful in the beginning, but soon they’ll not only come up with suggestions for how to handle your problems, they’ll create list of changes and improvements they feel you need to make in general. You already have one mother, and you don’t find her sexually alluring and appealing (if you do I don’t want to know about it man), so trust me with this one – allow a date to become your mother and your sexual interest in her will die quickly – but by then you may be so attached to her saving you that you’ll be stuck.

Be a man and figure your own problems out, or take a friend out for a beer and blab until you can blab no more, or write in a journal, or see a therapist – and leave the dating women for having a good time and trying to get laid. If you do you’ll have a much better chance of succeeding at both.