I’m amazed at the men who sit at home hour after hour browsing porn on the internet thinking that if they were just in the right place at the right time the gorgeous creature they’re drooling (and doing other things over) would actually give them not only the time of day but their interest and desire. Wrong. Hot women work hard to be that hot. It’s not an easy job. No matter how naturally gifted a woman is in the looks and body department it takes a lot of sweat and energy to keep that perfect figure perfect. Why would a woman who works hard to look great want to go out with a guy who, well, has perfected nothing more in life than holding down a job and staring at a computer?

She doesn’t. Hot women do not want boring men, they want successful, interesting, confident men who will show them a good time…and so do smart, interesting, fun, intelligent women (including the girl next door).

So just why are most men so boring? Because men are people, and most people are terrified of change. So that means most men would rather sit in the mire of an unhappiness they know rather than strike out into unknown territories. They’d rather sit at home on their own comfortable couch and watch as others fight it out for success and fame on reality shows like "Survivor” rather than putting themselves on the line and risking rejection and failure trying something new.

Is this how you want to live your life? Do you want to be like most men or are you willing to gather up your raw talent and find out what you’re really made of? After last week are you beginning to see some changes occur by the changing of your thoughts from negative to positive – or do you want to wimp out and crawl back to the couch to live vicariously through another episode of "Fear Factor”?

I don’t think you’d be here reading this if you wanted life to keep going for you the way it is now. I think you’re ready to move forward to phase two of your personal "Extreme Makeover”. I think you’re ready to accept change.

What does it mean to accept change? It means that you accept that you can’t keep doing the things the way you are right now and expect to get different results. It means you accept that in order to have a more interesting social life you’re going to have to be the one that makes it happen. That’s right, no more living totally in your own head and expecting that stunning girl who sits in front of you in class to notice you. It’s time to make some changes.


Breaking Up Your Routine

In phase one of our personal "Extreme Makeover” series you learned that thoughts are powerful things, and that by beginning to change your thoughts from negative to positive you can begin to change your world. But you can’t stop there. Now it’s time to accept that in order to continue changing your life for the better you’re going to have to change your normal routine. It’s time to break out of your shell.

Time and time again men write to me asking how to approach the beautiful girl in their class, at their work, at their favorite coffee shop as if this woman is a foreign creature that has a rule book for handling. Yes, women do have some different sensibilities, talents and preferences than men do, but then so does each particular human being one from another. The only way you’re going to become good at approaching and talking to women is not by learning a secret formula – it’s via good old fashioned practice. You have to make the effort. You have to get out there and say "hello”, begin conversations, and let them know you’re interesting in getting to know them. Success is going to come to you in socializing with women because you take mental notes on what makes them laugh and smile and respond favorably to you and also by taking notes on what’s bombing out. Do what works, drop what doesn’t.

How else can you break up your routine? By taking baby -- but important -- steps to increase your socializing skills in your every day life in every way you can think of. Remember, to reap the benefit from change they don’t have to be big, but you need to keep at it…just like getting into shape. Change the way you drive to work, walk across campus, buy coffee in the morning. Change the time you go to the gym. Force yourself to go out and do things – see a movie, walk in the park, go to the beach, eat at a restaurant – even if you don’t have anyone to go with and rather then zoning out and being totally in your own head notice what’s going on around you. Many men have a habit of being on a totally different planet while they’re walking around on this one. Chances are while you’re fantasizing and obsessing over that one great woman in class three other equally beautiful (and likely more attainable) women have crossed right under your nose without you even noticing. One of them was probably checking you out, but you were too busy to notice.

Recognize that success in socializing with women is not going to come in one fell swoop. You aren’t going to get up the nerve to talk to one hot girl and suddenly be cured of any shyness. No, but you are going to feel braver. It’s just like diving into the water and taking a swim. The water never gets any warmer in those first instances when you hit the water, but if you do it enough times you learn not to notice it anymore. You recognize that the value of the swim is greater than the discomfort of the water in the first few moments.

What small change can you get up the courage to make tomorrow? Who could you say "hello” to that you’ve trying to work up the courage to for weeks now? What new thing could you do this weekend that might broaden your social circle and make some new friends? Rather then talking to the gang at work about "someday getting together” for that trip to the amusement park, that night out to play pool, that murder mystery party complete with costumes, that hike to the water fall be the one to make it happen. Take the bull by the horns and organize the event. You’ll be glad you did.