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How Not To Be Clingy

Dear Sex Doctor,

What chemicals (or emotions) in your body cause you to naturally become clingy when you have sex with a woman or be with a woman, especially with one you like?

Now, I am full aware of the dangers of becoming clingy and attached and I've always been able to keep my emotions under control. I've been with several women but I recently met one I REALLY like and would consider keeping around for the long term. She is very unselfish, sexual, fun, exciting to be around, very physical, funny, beautiful, she is always looking to make me happy and get my approval, and she has confessed to liking me a lot and wanting to be with me and like I said, we've already had sex. She even introduced me to her family and she met mine as well. That type of woman is rare, as you know. But that's also why I continue talking to multiple women at the same time to keep from becoming "hooked" on any one woman and I am following "Being A Man..." to my utmost ability to make sure she DOES stay around for awhile.

I can't understand what causes you to have the urge to be clingy. She Tested me tonight by saying she was going to call but didn't. She claims to have "family" problems and that's why she cancelled our date, (but she DID give me 24 hours notice.) When I talk to her again, I'll be SURE to call her on it. She said, "I hope you're not mad I had to break our date" and I said: "No, not if you make it up to me".

So what is it that causes you to have the natural urge to become "attached" to certain women? And second, is there anything else you would like to add to "Being A Man..." to further help me pass this test with flying colors?

-------------------------------------------

Actually, there are a number of chemicals that are at play, but I don't think you're asking for a biochemistry lesson here. In fact, the reason that people feel clingy tends to stem from insecurity more than anything else.

When a person is in love, they love what and who the other person is. That love exists whether the person is next to you or not! So love doesn't make you feel that way. Jealousy, insecurity, neediness and fear are the main emotions that cause that clingy-feeling.

If you're afraid of losing her you might want to hold on tighter, but as you already know, that just pushes her away even farther. The real trick is to know that you have options (as does she), and that you want to manage these options while you let her prove to you that she's someone that deserves you exclusively.

With this woman, everything sounds good so far. If you think you want her around for a while, start pruning the tree by getting rid of the 4's, 3's and eventually any 2's you have hanging around. I don't recommend that you do it all at once however. You want to ease your way into an LTR here because an abrupt change may be too obvious and actually might scare her away! After all, she's on the chase now, right where she wants to be.

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? Dr. Neder answers all email. Write him at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers. Learn about his book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", at: www.beingaman.com.
 
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