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Too Kinky For Your Lover: Part 1

Dear Doctor,

I think I've lost my girlfriend for good because I'm just too kinky! What do you think?

-------------------------------------------

First, a story: This guy and girl meet in a bar. The guy is obviously depressed, and the girl asks, "Why so glum?" The guy says, "Well, I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years because I'm into kinky sex and she's not." So the girl says, "That's amazing! My husband and I just got divorced 2 months ago because I'm into kinky sex and HE'S not!"

So, the two of them decide to get a hotel room. She gets undressed and gets into bed. He strips and turns off the light. After a minute she starts hearing all this grunting and moaning. She's not sure what's going on, but just keeps listening. 3 minutes later she hears him "finish" and asks, "Are you ok?"

The guy, still panting, replies, "Oh yes - that was GREAT!" She asks, "WHAT was great?" The guy says, "Oh man, I just took the huge dump in your purse!"

So, just what IS kinky anyway?

One person's definition is this: "Sexy is everything I do, and kinky is everything else!" This is the way most people feel. Perhaps you enjoy dressing up in women's clothing, licking your boyfriend's feet or getting (or giving) a spanking.

Nobody thinks that what THEY do is kinky - even if it seems that way to most other people. On the other hand, some people think EVERYTHING is kinky! I've had readers write to me with things like, "My boyfriend is so kinky I just can't take it - he can't stop reading Penthouse", or "My girlfriend insists on using a vibrator when we make love", or "Why does my lover insist on having oral sex - isn't this kinky?" To many people, these are incredibly tame, and don't seem kinky at all. To others, they are flat-out perverse.

Everyone has his or her own, unique definition of what is kinky. Thus, it isn't hard to imagine two people getting together and one finding the other's sexual interests kinky. Most couples work through this by accepting or even learning to enjoy the each other's proclivities. Others just "give up" on their kinky ways, and some can't seem to find common ground and eventually break up.

When you think about things that are kinky just remember that what seems out on the deep end today may actually be your ultimate high tomorrow. Frankly, there's nothing that's either normal or abnormal - it just depends on whom you ask.

Fetishes

Many kinky sex acts revolve around fetishes. Fetishes are sexual attractions to things or thoughts. In fact, there are people who are attracted to just about everything you can imagine. To these people, their extreme attraction isn't kinky at all - it seems quite natural.

Fetishes run the entire range of human experience. For example, feet turn on some people. Others, boots. Some folks like being tied up (or down), and some like to bind their lovers. Some people get a thrill out of wearing certain clothing, or when others wear something particular.

Many of these fetishes seem strange and terrifying to some people.

In this series of articles, we're going to explore the concept of "kinky" and talk about what is healthy, how to explore your kinky side safely and how to introduce your kink to your partner without having them run for the hills.

To be continued...

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? Dr. Neder answers all email. Write him at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers. Learn about his book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", at: www.beingaman.com.
 
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