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Too Kinky For Your Lover: Part 2

Ok, so now let's look at how to get your lover to be more adventurous.

Unless you've been together for a very long time, you probably can't just blurt out, "Honey, I want you to dress up in a clown outfit and videotape you having sex with a banana!" You've got to be subtler and ease your partner into these things!

Here's how. First, talk to your partner. Get to know what turns him or her on. Get comfortable with exploring your regular sex. Ask questions like, "Do you enjoy it more when you're on the top, or on the bottom?", "Do you prefer it when I touch you gently or more aggressively?" and "Where are you the most sensitive?" Once you both feel comfortable discussing things as they are, you are ready for phase 2.

Now, you can get into your fantasies. Again, don't just jump right in and unload every kinky thought you ever had. Start simple. You may find that your lover always had a fantasy about making love on a hillside somewhere. If you're an exhibitionist, you might add something like, "You mean like by a freeway?"

This will surely get a response. If the response is positive, "Oh, that'd be interesting!" you might want to pursue it a little further. Don't push things too far here; just gather information. Your lover might tell you that they would like to be tied up - this is a very common fantasy. Don't show them your dungeon just yet -try something simple. Why not give him or her a scarf or two, and ask how they'd like to "use" them?

You'll find that people are interested in discussing their fantasies when they learn to trust someone. Further, as they start to open up, they get more adventurous and willing to consider new things. The trick is to just ease them into it, and to respect their limits.

Another thing you can do to pique someone's interests is to show them examples. There are many magazines dedicated to all sorts of fetishes. You might leave one or two of these lying around sometime to see if your lover picks one up and starts thumbing through it. Of course, you also want to note their response, (if any). Just be ready when the questions come, as they surely will!

You might also use others as examples. For instance, say, "You know, a friend of mine was talking a few years ago about taking exotic photographs of his girlfriend. He said it really changed their love life for the better." Now, watch it here, don't start going on about how YOUR love life needs some spicing up too; just add, "What do you think about people doing things like that?" Then, be quiet and listen.

Once you've established that your lover is interested in your particular kink, try to ease them into it slowly. Let he or she act as the autopilot. One friend of mine was very curious about bondage, so her boyfriend bought her a pair of play handcuffs. The investment was very small, but paid off in a big way. They are now full practitioners of sexual bondage - more than fulfilling his fantasies!

However, he let his girlfriend set the pace of their exploration. He suggested, but never pushed anything. Since she was the "slower ship", he let her take it at her own rate. The interesting thing is, as he told me later, SHE actually pushed HIM!

Take it slow, and perhaps your fantasy will come true some day too.
 
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