Yes, you do want to make a good impression – it’s critical that you do - but in a job interview it’s your goal (your job) to impress the other party with your resume, on a date it’s your goal (your job) to impress the other party with plain old you.

That’s right, a date isn’t about impressing a woman with how much you’ve accomplished in your life, it’s about connecting with another human being and finding out what resonates between the two of you. Is there a spark of chemistry? Do you really have shared interests, ideas, morals?

Okay, if I’m talking too much in girl-speak let me put it more plainly. A first date isn’t for bragging rights (nor is a second or a third). It isn’t the male "me show” where your goal is to use up as much of the air space as possible to impress the woman about all the cools things you’ve done and own.

In fact there’s nothing more boring than a man who just can’t shut up about what he’s accomplished and what he owns. Nothing. Sadly many men get worse about this as they age. One would think they would be more secure within themselves and feel less the need to show off – but this often doesn’t seem to be the case. I once had a man write and ask me out, telling me he owned his own plane and I just had to name the date and time because there were not really any women worth dating in Arizona.

Yes, I’m a great woman but the chances of there not being any women worth him dating and hell freezing over are probably pretty similar. What he meant as a compliment instead made me wince.

Plus I’m not that into flying (here in L.A. we hear about small personal craft crashing all the time) which is another important point. Bragging falls flat if the person you’re bragging to doesn’t have the same taste and interests as you. If the woman doesn’t know exactly what car, stereo, boat, motorcycle, computer etc. etc. that you’re talking about then all of your bragging about your toys has fallen on more or less deaf and uninterested ears.

A man who owns his power, on the other hand, doesn’t need to lead with what might be impressive about him on the outside because knows exactly who he is and what he has to offer. A man who owns him power shows up for the date curious and interested in getting to know the woman. He’s looking for ways they can connect rather than for ways he can impress her.

Here’s where men really run into trouble – the more appealing the woman appears on that first date (the hotter, the sexier, the more beautiful) the more men often go into overdrive feeling they have to impress her. They forget all about her needs as a human being and think only of their own desire to win her approval.

And this is where they lose because every woman, even Pamela Anderson or Jennifer Garner, is a real live woman not an object of desire to simply be won by the highest bidder.

So how can you stop yourself from making the same mistake? Chill, relax, and put the focus of your attention on two things: 1) Showing your date a good time (this means entertaining her with your stories, not bragging to her with them) and 2) Looking for common interests and other ways you can connect.

Remember, no matter how hot she is, your chances of this date becoming a relationship (even with a spark of chemistry in your favor) without common interests and values are very slim. And that’s how it should be. Even the most beautiful, sexy, gorgeous people will bore us over time if we don’t share common interests and values. So remember, you’re not only trying to give a good impression you’re trying to find out if she measures up to what you’re looking for as well.

Another reason to allow your actions to speak louder than words is that it lends an air of mystery to you. Let’s say, for example, that you’ve done your homework about wine, it’s a passion of yours, you’ve been on tours of the wine country in California and you’re saving for a trip to Italy or France. If you rush into telling a woman about this passion of yours it’s far less appealing and alluring than if you simply order a really good bottle of wine and then wait for her to ask how you knew it would be so wonderful.

See the difference? Only the most self-centered and selfish of women wouldn’t be curious and want to know more – and you’ve kept your cool. You’ve definitely owned your power.

Holding back and keeping a card up your sleeve is also a way of both owning your power and being a bit mysterious as the same time. In my early twenties I went to visit my new boyfriend at school in Chicago. Over dinner at a relative’s house the question came down to special talents. The uncle could sing a beautiful song, I drew a little picture, and then when it came to my boyfriend he got up and said to me "I wrote this for you” and went to sit at the piano. I stared at him in shock as he proceeded to play a beautiful lyrical piece of jazz. I had no idea he could play the piano, none. Twenty years later I can still remember how surprised and impressed I was as if it were yesterday.

So what special interests and talents and passions do you have that might be casually pull out at the right time to let a woman have a more intimate glance into your inner world? Perhaps you’re a huge music aficionado and create great eclectic CD mixes. Don’t tell her – wait until date number two and surprise her with a CD of music you thought she’d enjoy from the clues you picked up here and there during the time you spent together.

That, my dear men, will impress her far more than flowers.